I feel that it is appropriate to end the empathy series talking about you. Yes, YOU. Because at the end of it all, it really comes down to you as the leader. Don’t get me wrong, you are nothing without your team. In my opinion though, it is a chicken or the egg concept that arises in leadership. How can you truly build the team that you know will lead your concept, idea, product, branch, company, or whatever it is that you lead, to success if you don’t know yourself as a leader?
It may or may not come as shocking news to you to anyone can be a “leader” by title. I’m sure you have seen it time and time again. We have all seen people get promoted to a leadership role or we have even seen people running companies or creating them and wondered, “How the hell are they successful?” Well, have you ever asked yourself, are they really? And what defines success? I believe that to know yourself means that you are a great leader; not by title but through actual character and values.
I am often asked when interviewed on other podcasts what is my one piece of advice for women stepping into leadership roles, or what is my one piece of advice for women who are completely new to leadership. My answer is typically the same and somewhere along these lines. It is imperative that you know yourself. You must know yourself not only as a person but as a leader. Often, I am questioned about this advice though because the interviewer will ask, “Well, how can she know who she is as a leader if she isn’t one yet?” I always say, “We are all already leaders in our own life. It doesn’t matter if you are single and managing a studio apartment that you rent. You are the leader of your life. Therefore, it is entirely possible for YOU to know what type of leader you are before you ever officially lead a single employee.” I typically must elaborate more on this topic, but it is true. You are already a leader today.
You don’t need a title to be a leader; we know that to be true. However, we do know that we learn a lot more when we are leading others. I often talking about the fact that listening and learning leaders are the strongest leaders. Well, it can be challenging to listen and learn if you don’t have anyone reporting to you, or is it?
In the beginning, you can start by listening to yourself and you can learn from yourself. If you have the capability to listen to yourself and know yourself, do you think that you will have the ability to truly understand others? The probability is higher. If you take the time to accept and learn from your mistakes, do you think that you will accept and help others learn from their mistakes, wins, losses and more? Again, the probability is higher.
I did not start out leading large teams. It is interesting because I was placed in a unique type of leadership role when I went to corporate America at twenty-two. I was in a role that had more authority than several of my peers but no direct reports at first. That was a shift from my store management role as I had an entire store reporting to me. Of course, my role at corporate evolved and that changed rapidly but at first, I had what I refer to as an ambiguous leadership role.
Now, that’s a different blog or podcast for a different day, but that’s a challenging one. The reason being because you oversee inspiring several departments and many people to get things done but you are not their direct supervisor. It’s tricky.
The benefit of having this role for a few months in the beginning was that I had the ability to learn about me. I had only myself to listen to and everything was riding on me. I had a massive budget to manage and a lot of people and business riding on just me, but I couldn’t hold people accountable the way I was used to as a traditional “boss.” It was tough. What came out of this experience as I grew the role and multiple departments? I got to know myself as a leader. So when the time came to begin building my team, I knew my preferences, how I worked, how I led, my personality, my values, and who would fit into that well. I am grateful for that ambiguous time because I got to know me. I hope for each of you that you have that time in your career to learn you, the leader “you.”
It’s not impossible to learn who you are as a leader while leading a team or while being thrust into a leadership role. But from my experience, I was sinking and barely breathing at twenty-two and running a doomed retail location. How could I listen or hear myself? How could I learn from my mistakes when I had zero time to reflect? So, even though it was lonely, and I was overworked in my new position, I will always be grateful for that time alone in what seemed like an ivory tower of sorts. I found myself as a leader and little did I know, I found my passion. But, I had to listen to myself first.
In addition, I learned. I knew what my values were and you simply cannot have empathy without knowing your values. So, don’t be afraid to be alone and reflect and get to know yourself, especially as a leader. Take the time to learn from yourself. Your team is a reflection of you. If you do not take the time to listen and learn who you are then how will you even recognize the reflection staring back at you?
