Patience is empathy’s close friend. I feel that without patience there can be no empathy. One must be exceptionally patient to show empathy as we do not understand what it is like to experience every situation someone is going through or will go through. That is why patience is so essential to empathetic leadership and quite frankly, leadership in general.
We have all grown up hearing “Patience is a Virtue,” and I believe that to be true, as virtue is moral excellence. I do believe that acting with patience does show great moral excellence. But what does that do for you as a leader? Well, I do believe that patient leaders give their teams high levels of respect and they show this through their actions.
Our patience as individuals is tested daily, whether it is as an individual contributor, in your personal life, or completing daily tasks, but leaders, our patience is truly tested at a higher intensity because of the speed at which we work. Obviously, the uncertainty of the climate we are in (regardless of your industry) contributes to this as well. As a leader or aspiring leader, you can understand how easily patience can be lost.
In my opinion, this is one of the most difficult virtues to hold on to at times for a leader. I say this from firsthand experience. Let’s just say that I was not born with the virtue of patience. But, I am grateful for my career and passion for leadership as it has inspired and guided me towards a patience that I never would have known.
When I was first starting out as a leader (leader by title, as I think we are all leaders already), my patience needed some serious work. I tend to be someone who can “figure things out” well on my own. I do not have to be handheld so to speak. I quickly discovered that not everyone is like that and that was a big surprise for my naïve self at the bright, sharp age of twenty-two. Leadership has not cured my patience issues; I still have them in areas of my life. But, I am aware of them now.
What I discovered though was that through patience, you find deeply enriching rewards as a leader. When I was patient with all kinds of employees (because it takes all types to build a team), I felt so fulfilled and rewarded through mentoring, teaching, and guiding. I began to truly live to watch each one have his or her “lightbulb” moment as I call it. This moment is when you see him or her light up and everything clicks. It’s indescribable. This happens in a few minutes for some and for others, it takes weeks, months, or years. It doesn’t matter but your patience does because your team needs you and that’s what inspired me to become a patient leader.
So, what are some things you can do to work on patience and to become a patient leader? Well, my recommendations are not terribly off from the practice of empathy but here’s are some tips.
One of the most important things is to remain an objective leader, but to really take the time to understand all situations. This is where your patience comes in because as leaders, we often have so much on our plates and we are running ninety to nothing. Take a moment, step back and understand, and make it a priority.
Accept right now that you and your team or employees will not always agree. In fact, ensure that they know that it is a safe space for them to express when they disagree with you. But, you will need to be patient to understand their perspective, your perspective in relation, and then, perhaps even another perspective. For example, my background is heavy in sales. Therefore, my teams were often in direct sales and I was managing them. I cannot tell you how many times a customer did not like the answer they receive from their sales representative and jumped up to me. (Sometimes it was a mystery to me how they got my information). I had to step back. I had to be patient and listen to the customer, my sales rep, and evaluate my understanding as well. Did I have time for this? No. Do you make time for it? Absolutely because everyone involved is important and that’s where your patience kicks in.
Remembering to engage and seek to understand your team. Continuing with the example of my sales reps, when I would get these calls from customers and the sales reps, I would practice “seek to understand” conversation. This takes patience because it is not a black and white conversation, but you can draw the best answers and conclusions from this type of communication.
I think something that leaders miss when their patience is pushed to the limit is that we truly learn a lot about ourselves. So, try to embrace the pressure and know that you are going to come out of the situation learning about yourself and your team. This means progress as a leader and learning.
In my opinion, the best piece of advice for patience that I ever received is to face it head on. I’ve seen it countless times that when the pressure is turned up then some leaders will shut down. Some leaders feel like they’ve had enough with certain situations, and they ignore them. I understand. I’ve been there. We are in a virtual world now. Suzie Q shows up late every Monday to the 10AM all hands-on deck call and she doesn’t know how to turn on her camera. And it’s literally driving you crazy. I get it.
However, this is your opportunity as a leader to face it head on and learn about yourself and prove that you can be a patient leader. Schedule a call with Suzie Q. Seek to understand what the struggle is every Monday for her. Maybe she isn’t into her job but maybe she just needed some extra help with technology and she’s always late because she’s embarrassed. You will never know if you don’t take these steps to becoming the patient leader that I know you can be. Because your patience will be tested always and often as a leader, but it’s how you respond to it that defines you…
